CHAPTER ONE

MATTHEW’S STORY

“To every beginning there comes an end, but what if the end is truly the beginning and beginnings have no end?”

                        Matt

February 1, 2004 2 o’clock A.M.

“Is this Matt’s mom?”

“Yes.”

“This is Andrew.  I hate to be the one to tell you this but Matt just got arrested”.

“For what?”

“ Possession.”

“What did he have?”

“Speed.” 

“Was he the only one who got arrested?”

“Yes.” 

“Why wasn’t any one else arrested?”

“No one else had drugs.”

“Is this something new for Matt?”

“Yes, pretty new.”

“I gotta go.”

THIRTY MINUTES LATER

I called the police department searching for Matt’s whereabouts when I had finally collected myself.

Police department

“I just received a call that my son was arrested and I am trying to find out where he is and what to do.”

“What’s his name?”

“Matthew Gilchrist.”

“No, I don’t find anything yet.  Call back in an hour or so.”

SECOND CALL ONE HOUR LATER

      My anxiety had risen considerably….

Police department

“I’m trying to locate my son. He was arrested 2 hours ago”.

“His name?”

“Matthew Gilchrist, he was arrested near 3rd and Broadway.”

“Oh yeah, we just rounded up a bunch of crack cocaine users.”

“That’s right… c r a c k   c o c a i n e… your son was using c r a c k  c o c a i n e!”

“What should I do?”

“Come in, in the morning with bail and get a public defender.”

            Needless to say this was not reassuring and I felt sicker than before. A very long hour passed before Matt called.

ANOTHER HOUR PASSES

“Hi mom, did Andrew call you?”

“Yes.” 

“Please come and get me”.

“Is it scary there?”

“Yeah, kind of, just get me soon please.”

       I laid awake for what was left of the early morning hours.  No sleep, no crying, just shock and FEAR!  Fear of what was to come.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear for Matt’s safety. Fear for Matt’s life.  Hopelessness, helplessness, and complete and utter feelings of numbness haunted me.

      I was totally unprepared for that first phone call and the visceral reaction that followed.  We have all seen the movie version of someone getting bad news who faints dead away. This sounds like an overreaction, right?  It was not too far off the real thing for me.  I felt dizzy, thought I was going to pass out, got nauseated and felt my blood pressure rise.  Then fear and worry kicked in.  My first thought was to leave him there to teach him a lesson but after a very early morning phone call to a friend who is an attorney, we were immediately referred to his colleague, who specialized in criminal defense, and we were instructed to get him out as soon as possible since it was Friday and he would be sent to County Jail for the weekend.

      We were told that this was a place we definitely did not want our 19 year old son to be sent.   We started our day at the office of a local bail bondsman across the street from the court house and police department.  I felt fear, anxiety, anger, and humiliation.  We were required to pay one thousand dollars to secure the bail bond, and the threat was that if Matt disappeared we would be responsible for $10,000 dollars!  We had no idea if Matt would disappear once we bailed him out.  Once we had the necessary paperwork, we went to the jail and Matt was released from a side door.  His appearance was frightening to me.  He looked like a homeless person.  The reality was that he was a strung out, disheveled junkie/tweaker/teenager.